NikkithePoet

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my brain, Even for just a few minutes, So I could have some relief From the storm that rages inside. Sometimes it’s just a light drizzle, Just enough to be annoying, But not enough to drown me Like the hurricanes that can pass through. Those are the days I can barely keep my head above water, The days where all I can do is try to survive, But that’s no way to live. In fact, it’s not living at all. The days just passing by, Each one the same as the one before it, But right now, that’s all I know. I can’t even remember what it was like before this, Even though it wasn’t

I don’t know what hurts more: Seeing the reminders of you, Or knowing you’ll never come back for them. You’ve forgotten me completely. It’s as if I never existed to you. Do you miss your old sweatshirt? The one you left behind Hanging on the back of my bedroom door? Or do you think you just left it somewhere, Never to be found again? I know I should toss it, Give it away, Do something with it, But I can’t. So it just hangs there, Reminding me of days past, Days I’ll never get back. Some days I wonder if I’d even want them back. Other days I wonder if you ever think of me, If I ever cross your mind. A

Something's gotta break Because I can't keep going on this way. I'm trying to be patient, to let things play out, But how long am I supposed to wait? I've tried to pray, but it feels so useless. Why would the Creator of everything Give a fuck about me? I'm nothing. That's how I feel everyday: Like nothing. So what am I supposed to do? Keep dreaming my impossible dream? That's gotten me nowhere, But I just can't give it up. How do you find a new dream When your whole life you've only ever wanted one thing? It's fucking pathetic. I'm pathetic. And yet I still hold on. How do you let go Of what's keeping you going But also holding you back? I

The pressure builds behind my eyes, But the tears just won't flow. I want to cry,but I can't. I can't, I can't, I CAN'T. Some nights it gets so bad, Chokes me so strongly, That I'd do anything, ANYTHING, To relieve it. But I don't. Because giving in to that urge Would mean admitting weakness, That I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. It would be the end Of who everyone thinks I am, But more importantly, It'd be the end Of who I think I am. I wouldn't be able to lie to myself anymore, And the lies we tell ourselves Are always more important Than the ones we tell others. We can make ourselves believe anything: "I'm fine." "It's just a phase.

It's starting to hurt less and less When I think of you And the time we spent together. Is that what moving on is? Feeling ready to get back in the game When you never thought you would again? Still missing you, But not in the same way, Or for the same reasons? Not being angry because we broke up, But because you said we'd always be friends, And I believed you? That was stupid of me. I'm finally moving on, And it's about damn time.

Blame it on the weather: The headache, The fatigue, The overall gross feeling. Blame it on the weather: The grouchiness, The impatience, The sadness that just won't go away. Blame it on the weather, So I don't have to think of the real source. I can pretend that it's not me, That it's not my fault that I'm miserable. Is it my fault? Are these feelings of loneliness And worthlessness All in my head? Or is there something there, A reason for me to feel these things? Who knows? For now, I'll just blame it on the weather.

Love. It can build us up, Or tear us down. It can mend a heart, Or shatter it Into pieces too small To ever be put back together. But somehow we heal, The shards of our hearts Stitch themselves together. We feel the pain less, So we allow love to trap us again. We think this time will be different, That we won't go through that pain again, But we're always wrong. And the cycle begins again.

Trivial. Worthless. Not special To anyone or anything. We all feel this way at times, Like we don't matter And we never will. People tell us the opposite, That we do matter, That we mean something, But those are just words. They can't change how we see ourselves, Always on the outside, Never included, Never thought of, Not special. Worthless. Trivial.

Show me those baby blues, That magnificent color With a range unlike any other, As varied as the shades Of a cloudless sky. One look from those eyes, And I'm through, I forget how to breathe, But then you blink, Your gaze is broken Just long enough for me to inhale. I sometimes think That blue eyes are the most expressive. So clear and bright, Makes it harder to hide. I don't mind. Give me a pair of blues eyes And I'll be content To explore whatever they show me.

Lord, I want to trust You. I've seen people who do, Seen how they are, And I want that. I really do, But I don't know how. Every time I depend on someone other than myself, I get hurt. I don't want to hurt anymore. I know that You could take my pain away, But I have to trust You first. Trust is always the issue, isn't it? It usually needs to be earned. Blindly trust and you can get screwed over. Teach me how to trust You, Lord. I can't do it on my own. Help me heal and find my place Because I'm lost without You.